he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
