is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
