The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
