after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize