YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
