Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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