Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
