Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
