just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
