Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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