The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
