i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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