I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
