They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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