happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
