a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
