Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
