Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize