I want to make a zoo with you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The uberlube is also flammable
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
