i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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