I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
