her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
