Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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