I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
