i may or may not be watching the land before time
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
