You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
