didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
time to smoke my breakfast
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
