Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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