I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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