he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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