Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
is wine microwaveable?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
