im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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