Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize