Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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