Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
