Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
