Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
