and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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