She is in my trunk
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
