yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
