i dont even know how to be here
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
