The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
