I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
