You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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