Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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