I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
