If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if only i could text you this smell
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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