It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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