I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
