Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
