I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
