swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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