my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just google imaged poop.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Panties = found
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