If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
