And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
