thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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