it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
