just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
