i think i have two assholes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
