I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize