You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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