On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
