Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
