he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
