call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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