I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
