omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
