Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
