how can u be prego again
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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