Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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