it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
