You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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